The Hacker Infiltrates rukkle

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This page has been hacked…

The following story has been published by the hacker. Do not read this if you’re easily offended. You’ll find something much nicer by clicking here

Vanessa Hudgens Tired Of Talking About Naked Pics

So, yet another publicity hungry whore is going to great lengths to discuss how she doesn’t want to discuss something… she deliberately did… which she swears she accidentally did… in order to hang on for dear life for one extra second of her already dissipating fifteen minutes of fame!

My God woman, who are you tryin to kid?, I heard your yearbook photos were spread eagle money shots with two donkeys and a fire extinguisher; Larry Flynt hasn’t seen as much va-jay jay as your local one hour photo store!

The room temperature IQ’d “star” was able to find a second between her photographic onanism to string a few words together for the  LA Times: “It’s just silly because I’m a very present person, and that’s the thing that has been so in the past”

Yeah sure honey, Click Click Skank Skank… in the past eh? Like where your career is? Ive seen them all and I can tell you the photos might have “leaked on three occasions”, but the Hackers bodily fluids certainly didn’t even “leak on one occasion”. The thing is toots, you aint no Pam Anderson, or even, dare I say it, Paris Hilton. In fact, the Kathy Perry, just woke up in a skip, Blaire Witch style sans make up cell phone photograph, had more class and sexiness then your THREE desperate attempts.

Pregnant Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon Pose Nude

On the subject of tacky snap happy hoes, Mariah Carey (she’s the butterfly basket case with a bun in the oven who’s a few sandwiches short of a picnic), now only seemingly hours after telling the worlds media that she is hurt and embarrassed over intimate photos of her in bed with fellow straight jacket model husband Nick Cannon being “accidentally leaked”, has done what every sane and sincere person in her position would do… posed naked and pregnant with her husband for a magazine cover. I thought the only manic depressive celeb with a huge belly I’d see in a magazine this week would be Conan o Brien!

The butterfly(why-wont-you-die?) singer and her hubby are in the latest issue of Brit rag ‘OK!’ By the looks of things, she aint OK!… she’s so ready to drop she could be standing in a puddle of embryonic fluid. I could practically see the fetus crowning. This time at least she didn’t have a butterfly painted on her stomach with body paint like her recent twitter pic, which looked less like a butterfly painting then it did the bizarre scrawling of a fat vulture crafted by a five year old with attention deficit disorder using feces for paint.

Pregnant Victoria Beckham wants to call her daughter SANTA

Imagine the scene (if you can stomach it)… David Beckham and Victoria are in bed <<shudder>> discussing the imminent birth of their next hellspawn. Golden balls turns to Posh and says “Ok Fatso , we’ve already got BROOKLYN, ROMEO, and CRUZ, so we are officially the worst parents since Dina and Michael Lohan.  How else can we f**k up our kids lives short of joining the Church of Scientology? Oh I know, lets call the baby Santa!

Walking X-Ray Posh, 36 (pounds), said it’s a traditional Spanish name. I thought he was from Lapland? I’ve got a few theories of my own on why they are inflicting this on the poor kid…
-I think maybe they’re naming her Santa just like the father Becks who also only gets to come once a year, by forcing himself down a tight cold orifice to deposit his presents in a bedroom, or….
-David has already confessed to having a miss spelt Hindi tattoo, perhaps conspiracy buffs will assume that he had a Devil Worshiper tattoo with the dark lords name done by the same dyslexic artist and now he’s trying to cover his tracks by naming a kid after it?

Kobe Bryant – Homophobic Slur During NBA Game?

When I saw the search terms “homo” “NBA” “f**king” and “caught on tape” on the net, The Hackers heart was momentarily all a flutter, then, when I heard it involved Kobe Bryant, my arousal turned to disgust.

I’m no lip reader, but as you can see from the video of the game (below), to me it was clear as day that over the hill Baller Bryant used a homophobic slur like the sissy boy he is when the referee shat in his cereal during a recent LA Lakers basketball game. Kobe was heard to call the ref a ‘f**king f**got’

He said, or should I say his lucrative sponsors said, that he was misheard and that on his word he would never say something like that. Well, if you can’t trust the word of a man charged twice with the sexual assault of a 19 year-old girl, admitting on one count that the sex was non-consensual and on the other civil count, settled for an undisclosed fee, then who’s word can you trust… right???

Always the class act Kobe shows no signs of apologising for his behavior. It takes a real man to abuse his position as an overpaid, untalented role model to young African American men, by not only assaulting young girls but by having a hateful homophobic and violent outburst on live television in front of hundreds of thousands of children. Good for you Kobe! You deserve the millions of dollars your sponsors lavish on your untalented ass. I’ve no doubt we will see your cheeky antics in the Hacker column again soon, and I’ll personally see you in a local bath house in LA even sooner, to show you what a real f**got can do with a large ball and a whistle.

Until next time…

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