The Hacker Infiltrates rukkle

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This page has been hacked…

The following story has been published by The Hacker.

We are working tirelessly to stop this guy from accessing the site.

Do not read this if you are easily offended.

You’ll find something much more enjoyable and pleasant here.

Let me introduce myself…

If you don’t care who I am… keep on reading… if you do, take a look at my introduction from a previous hacking HERE.

Looks like Sasha Fierce sacked her old man for having his hand in the cookie jar.

Beyoncé fired her ex manager, her own father Mathew Knowles after an alleged investigation in to her finances indicated that her dad “had stolen money on her most recent tour or otherwise taken funds that [he] was not entitled to”.

Wow, who would have guessed that a lecherous old man who’d cut short his own daughters childhood so he could stick her in skimpy outfits and pimp her out to the world would be untrustworthy when it came to money?

Try as I might to feel sorry for BK and revile her daddy I just keep thinking come on bitch ! You built your career preaching to little girls and gays that you were an “independent woman” whilst simultaneous begging men to “pay your bills” like some low rent hoochie.

You harped on about the importance of family and sisterhood yet the line up for Destinies Child had more changes then Hugh Heffers diapers. And most galling and hypocritical of all you present yourself as some autonomous confident feminist icon when all you really were was a big bootied puppet, pelvic thrusting on the end of the strings of a cabal of overweight cigar smoking and very male executives. Make up your mind fool!

Of course it is always pitiful when you see a female aspirational figure being cleverly manipulated by a cynical usually older man, just to increase his own wealth and fame , under the pretence of love…

Oh yeah…in totally unrelated news Beyonce (29) and her husband Jay Z (41) continue to have a committed, equal relationship and professional collaboration. ( cough cough)

Ryan Reynolds is apparently dating Monster slut Charlize Theron.

Ryan, buddy, it’s clear from the steaming CGI turd that was ‘Green Lantern’ that you are looking for succor somewhere.

The movie was not the showcase for your charisma and intensity that ‘Buried’ was. I’ll admit it had George Lucas and Michael Bay twisting their hairy old nipples over the blatant victory of lurid special effects of any artistic merit, but that’s it. I mean who needs storyline, compelling characters or emotional investment when you’ve got an ass like a ten year old boy and lips that could suck an orange through a garden hose.

But Reynolds do you really need to be off feeding Charlize Theron’s lame toothless pony? That ain’t gonna advance your career, she hasn’t made a decent movie since Bin Laden was munching pork chops in Tora Bora.

Ms Theron, gain some weight, skip the botox and the cringe worthy cosmetics ads. I liked you better when you were a well trodden lesbian whore on death row (Christ, the last person I said that too was my mother!)

Brangelina getting hitched?

Seriously guys, have you thought this through? Your wedding photos are going to look like a fu***ng Benetton commercial.

Angies biggest concern on the day: Do I even have a white kid in that litter that will match my wedding dress?

These clowns made a promise not to get hitched until Gay marriage was legal across the USA, but apparently their kids were starting to ask them about marriage, as opposed to why every trip to McDonalds feels like a general assemble of the Model United Nations.

So your kids were asking why you’re not married? How the f**k do you even know what your kids were saying Brangelina? Did you ask your Cambodian maid, your Vietnamese personal trainer or your Ethiopian cook ( oh dear ) to translate for you?

Tell you what though, on the plus side, if it’s a catholic ceremony, the priest is going to cream his cassock when he sees that many kids roll in to the church.

Halle Berry has won a Stay Away Order against some crazy loser who was allegedly stalking her.

This guy needs to wake up and smell the r**e kit. I’m embarrassed for anyone desperate enough to stalk this bi**h, have you not seen Catwoman for Christ sake?

If you go to jail for this you are going to be beaten worse than a kiddie fiddler. What a stupid prick! If he really wanted to get in close contact with Halle he could have just tried to cross the street whilst she was out driving. That bitch has turned pedestrian bowling in to an art form. She may be pretty but lets not forget this was the same c**t who was involved in two hit and run incidences which she bought her way out of.

Bravo Ms Berry, that kind of bare faced hypocrisy and ill deserved sense of entitlement takes Monster Balls to pull off.

Halle is said to be “elated” that the justice system works to protect innocent citizens from stalkers. Yeah it must be really terrifying having crazy people just crash in to your life.

Lady Gaga got a little more than she expected after visiting queer Mecca the ARQ night club in Sydney, Australia.

She’d been partying her neurotic little ass off all night and preformed some of her gay hypnotizing bargain basement Madonna rip off tunes.

As the Pied Piper of Poop Pirates left the venue some crazy (and I’m guessing unemployed) f**k threw eggs at her, missing his intended target with the kind of proficiency of the London Met Police at Carnival in Rio de Janeiro

What a vulgar, rude and mindless act of violence? I’m referring of course to Gagas seizure inducing attempts dancing and singing whilst clearly off her tiny boy-tits on an undisclosed substance. The only complaint The Hacker has about the incident is the dude throwing the eggs didn’t ask her how she liked them in the morning. I’m guessing she likes them unfertilized and full of antidepressants

Thankfully the trouser snaked bint was unhurt and went on to bother more homosexuals and people with photosensitive epilepsy throughout her visit.

BTW Mr Anonymous egg tosser, I owe you a schooner!


Credits: Ryan Reynolds- Grant Brummett on Flickr // Brangelina- Georges Biard // Halle Berry- Michel Boutefeu // Beyonce- hollaa01 on Flickr

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